trapped in retrospect

Last May 22, I was fortunate enough to witness the second day of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Ball. I’m a huge fan of her so when mom’s cousin gave me a Patron ticket, I couldn’t say no even though I had early review classes the next day. My friends were supportive when I told them because I was a ‘concert virgin’ and they said it was so “bongga” that I lost my virginity (concert wise!) to Lady Gaga.   

Mixed emotions poured down on me as I arrived at the Smart Arena (did I call it right? sorry!) Of course I was excited but at the same time, I felt tired because I just came from my review classes. We went through the LRT and MRT! I barely ride the MRT so my guard was up for the whole time in an overreacting way, as in the vise-grip-to-the-bag kind of thing! And aside from that, while walking towards the exit, a middle aged man was winking at us! Talk about gross. 

ANYWAY. We arrived at the venue at around 8(?), I looked for the merch stand first because I wanted to buy a shirt but apparently, my money wasn’t enough so we proceeded to just enter the place. I wanted to jump up and down but that would be embarrassing so I decided not to. :( 

The concert started off with DJ Zedd spinning for the crowd! Natutuwa ako sakanya because he was so bibo! He made everything feel like a huge club party!

DJ Zedd!

The crowd! (these are from Patron pa lang, ha.)

I’m not going to talk about the entire event because so far, this post is so long already! The next pictures will be Lady Gaga already! Lol. The photos are blurry because my camera wasn’t working well. Huhu sorry!

One of my favorite!

I want my prom/debut dress to be inspired by this. CHOS.

The breathtaking stage!

I find Lady Gaga very very pretty.

Even though, some people from the country judged her harshly and right away, you could still see and hear clearly how much she loved Manila. She said things such as “I’m going to leave for Bangkok, I still want to stay.” and “If I could trade all these dresses, stage props, everything just to be with you guys forever; I would.” She’s really a very nice and sweet girl! :) 

Yes you, you stalker! 

Hi. :( Idk if I’m still awake by the time you read this thingy. :/ Opening post ‘to bago ka magsimulang magstalk nanaman sakin. Grabe ka. :(( =)) 

Anyway, I just want to let you know that you’re one of the greatest friends I have, don’t ever ever leave my life please because I will be nothing without you. :( Chos. =)) Basta bestfriends tayo okay. :(( <333 

I’m always going to be there to bug you like this ^ HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOOOVE YOU! :* 

I knew this shit was bound to happen. I knew that one day I will wake up and I will be thinking about you. I can’t remember how all of this shit actually started but it fucking did and I was too infatuated to even avoid. Out of all the people I could fall for, I actually fell for you and now I loathe it. I loathe how much it’s taking the toll on me, how hard I try to set all of these feelings aside but I can’t, how hard it is to resist when you talk to me and how hard it is to see that you’re so amazing in my eyes even though I’ve seen and heard so much. The good, the bad, and the ugly; I’ve known you too well before we even became friends.

The one everyone warned me about, the one who’s too damn dangerous to date because they can’t seem to find silence in being involved with one person.

I promised myself three years back that I would never be friends with you, not at all. I just hate your existence, weird how in a few years it’s the best thing that I could ever think of.  I’ll admit I know I’m overreacting right now. I’m currently unsure of my feelings for you but I just want to let it all out, to make me feel so much better. Honestly, I don’t know what to do next after I finish this. Will I weep? Will I get high? Will I get some soda? Who the fuck knows anyway. One thing is for sure though, after I finish this you’d still be wrapped in my mind. 

To the smartest, prettiest, bibo-est, funniest, and cutest niece, Happy Birthday! <3 I made this special post for your birthday because I won’t be in QC for your birthday. :( Hopefully, sa weekend pa celebration para I’m there. </3 

I remember the day when you were born, I was only nine years old then; the idea of having a niece at that age felt surreal to me because at that time, I thought it was impossible. I remember insisting to go and look at you at the hospital already since I can’t wait to see you but mom took me after a few days pa ata? Or was it the exact day? I forgot already. :( 

Anyway, possibilities crashed to my mind as I first laid my eyes on you. Now, you’re only seven years old but I’m so proud of you already! At a young age, I have already seen potential in you already because you are so smart and witty! I don’t know if you will be able to read this but keep on studying hard and be a good girl, okay? :) :* Tita Mau and the rest of the family loves you so much! 

(queued post btw.) 

April is over already? I can’t believe it! It flew so damn fast. I’ve spent most of my days being at school, as we prepare for the Student Summit we will attend to in May 2-3. I’ve never worked with such amazing, fun, and productive people! I want to thank them all as well as the adults who guide us because I’ve learned a lot from everyone and I can’t wait to work with them this school year!

I might have been productive this month but, I can’t tell if I spent the summer well. I mean, I wasn’t even able to live up to my Summer Bucket List! No kind of Subic/La Union/Boracay kind of thing, we went to Tagaytay but it felt too damn near already and on the way home, we even got bumped by a 16 wheeler truck! (Talk about bummer) I’ve promised a lot of people that I’d hang out with them this summer but I’m been too preoccupied to attend to all of them and it sucks. I also wasn’t able to hang out with my family because all of us are busy especially this May (My older sister will continue with her OJT and I’ll have my summer review classes for the college entrance exams) but May is my mom’s birthday month and she is planning to bring us to Bicol; now my fingers are crossed!

Anyway, I and my sister are incoming seniors and we’re freaking ecstatic! After this school year, ate will graduate college while I graduate high school! How cool is that! But I’m getting nervous as well because I’m afraid I won’t make the most of my last year or I won’t be able to enter the school I like. I try to keep my outlook positive by thinking happy thoughts and taking by heart the advices I’ve got from family and some of my friends who are in college already.

Enough about me, how about you guys? What are your plans for May and for the incoming school year? J

*this is a queued post because I’m not sure if I could be up until 12am

“Change is the only permanent thing in the world.”

Our computer teacher used to always remind us especially when he talks about the issues our class is going through that, no matter what you do; change will still be there to stay. It could make things waaay better or worse for everyone. I’ve had my fair share of experiences regarding this topic and most of them were the worse but, I can say those experiences made me a better person. 

Anyway, I was fixing my blog (again) then I’ve decided to delete some of my tracked tags then after that, I noticed that I was following 325 people here on Tumblr! So, I decided to check my following list and do a clean out. I unfollowed the deactivated accounts as well as the ones who haven’t updated for 5 months or so. I’ve actually unfollowed over 100 people! I’m so mean, forgive me.

If you’ve noticed that I have unfollowed you and you update regularly; no offense but it’s either I don’t get the sense of what you’re blogging or you’re being irrelevant or I’ve found you annoying ever since but I’ve been too lazy to unfollow you until now. 

I’ve realized how change could be so drastic that your interests in the last few months could be now very annoying to you or how the ones you hate the most are the ones you love the most already. Things go by into our lives unexpectedly, just when you think you’re at your biggest downfall, someone picks you up and helps you heal. The same banana also goes when it comes to people, once you hate this certain person then after of being together for a few days/months; you’re instant best friends or all of a sudden, you become best friends with someone whom you don’t usually talk to before. 

The key to accepting change is to just be like minded and take control of your life. Also have a positive outlook in life! :) Life is beautiful just like your face, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

I haven’t told you guys about this but I am going on a supposedly strict diet because I’ve figured that I have to lose weight because of three reasons:

1. Health purposes

2. To hopefully get my life a huge halt

3. To fit the prom dress of my dreams since I’ll be going to prom next year.

My diet was going smoothly the whole week (I lost two pounds in three days!) But then last Friday, my family decided to tempt me into cheating since it was just a little but I guess I ended up having a lot. Lol. Dad was on his day-off so we headed to The Fort to chill, first off, we went to S&R to do some groceries. 

PIECE OF ADVICE: DON’T GO TO S&R WHEN YOU’RE ON A DIET BECAUSE YOU’LL END UP RUINING IT FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ALL THE YUMMY FOOD YOU CAN FIND THERE. 

Anyway, after that we went over to Serendra to chill!

Me fixing my hair. -_________-

Me and my awesome sister Mariel tried to take some ‘outfit photos’ but I’ve decided to not put it here because it’s too low quality and we look like fools lol. So after eating some lunch, we went over to Fully Booked! I love their branch because it’s 5(?) floors high! On the top floor were some biography, interior design, music books and some CD’s. I wanted to buy a pre-owned Beatles album but I don’t have enough money with me at that time. Huhu. :( I also wanted to buy another Chuck Palahniuk book but then realized that I wasn’t even half way through the book I’m currently reading (Yes, that’s how much I love this author) 

I got a bit lazy to lurk around so I sat down with mom and yellie at White Hat! I love both of these girls because they never fail to make me laugh so damn hard!

Hi Mom! <3

Me being the spitfire that I am. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

After hours yes, HOURS of walking around Bonifacio High Street we went and sat for a while. Then we took pictures!

My pretty laaav. <3

I so hate my smile here!! Ugh, it’s like a douche’s smile. Gross. 

Dinner came and we went to eat at Sentro, I’ve heard it’s affordable and the food is yummy so I suggested that we eat there.

I quickly asked my sister to take a picture of this sign because I found it funny, “PARANG BIBINGKA NA HINDI!” Lol, that’s one of my overused expressions when I tell stories to my friends so I burst into laughter when I saw it. 

My pregnant eyebags could kill. 

“I’ve got one life, one life, one life and I’m gonna live it right.” 

It’s so amazing how one song that you thought would be like the others would make you stop and think about everything you are doing with your life. How much of a mistake you are doing, wasting it by being stressed, paranoid, worried, and just plain scared. I have contradicting personalities. I could be so reckless then be playing safe after. But most of the time, I risk my own happiness to please people and I hate that fact. I hate the fact that I can’t control the own spin of my life, that I don’t have enough balls to not let people or circumstances hinder me, that I’ve been wasting my life for 15 years and I don’t know where to go from it. 

I’m so annoyed and confused at my fucking life right now. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say. I’m so pissed because I’m too much of a coward to do something about this. I hope this is just a phase or I’m too caught up with everything that I became overwhelmed.

For the first time, I will hope for the best.  

Me and my dad are fond of reading and books so, every time we’re in a mall, we make it a point where we go to a bookstore to lurk around and check out books that interest us.

This summer, one of my goals was to read a book that would teach me something new about life, something that would make me think twice about my beliefs; something that would keep me up all night. 

I read somewhere on the internet that Chuck Palahniuk books are a good read for my zodiac sign, Leo because we’re looking for some kind of thrill. I got curious so I checked it out as soon as we went to the mall. The first book I noticed was actually, Lullaby. But I decided not to buy it first because I’m afraid of getting bored with the story and put my 599 (?) pesos into waste so I decided to search the internet for other Chuck Palahniuk books instead and thank God I did! 

There a huge possibility that I would get bored with a book if it has looong chapters, sp when I found out that Diary was written in diary style, I ask myself to why not give it a shot? It’s been a while since I read a book and finished it anyway. For the first time, I emailed a bookstore about it because I’ve read that the book was released during ‘03 and thought it was already faced out. Good thing it wasn’t!

Anyway, Diary is a story of an aspiring artist, Misty Wilmot who goes through life while her husband, a contractor, Peter Wilmot is in a coma after a suicide attempt. She deals with different  clients of her husband that found some bizarre messages on the walls of the missing parts of their house. Then suddenly, she finds interest in painting again and gains inspiration but then a series of events started happening.

The thing I loved the most about the book is how the events are very unexpected but it doesn’t take the reader away from the original flow of the story, I’d admit that I was caught up in some parts of the story but the important thing is, I’ve learned a lot frpm this book. 

After reading it, I had a deeper understanding about life and how a small act could change everything in a good or bad way. I’ve also learned to take it slow when it comes to getting married or being in a relationship. Peter and Misty had big plans for themselves after college but they dropped them to get married to each other and have their family.

Rushing could hinder us from the dreams we are chasing or from the future plans we have for ourselves. It’s better to take it slowly and surely. ;)